My First Post

I doubt anyone will read this, it's kind of like saying a prayer.  Just letting out some emotional and observational steam to keep my head and life straight.  I am tired of holding in my thoughts and talents, I will be 31 in less than a week.  I still haven't decided what the hell to do for my birthday let alone for the next five years.

I have this dumb ass tradition of not doing anything for my birthday.  I figured since's at the shittiest time of the year I will the festivities and keep it cool. I also figured, ya know, since I am stressed out with everyone else's bullshit why should add another day of stress to my life.  My birthday requests are normally along the lines of anything that will give me solitude and peace. Cause god knows I need at this of the year.

That began to change when I moved here to Switzerland.  Sure it's a western society, but it's a western society with educated and self-determined ( I believe anyway) people whom don't stress to the high heavens superficial bullshit, like many of my American counterparts.  I love my american brethren, but I don't like their ways.  I realized that life means a hell of a lot more that 'material' means.  I don't need to buy the 'newest things in life.  I don't need to have the latest fashion, I just need a brain and the will to use it; the type of peer pressure I receive from many of my european friends. Use my skills to enhance my talents. Not sell my skills and talents like the American plantation has you do on a daily basis.  IMHO.

From 'Love Your Body' Campaign via Sean Martin Photography

So I began to appreciate more of myself and began to appreciate who I was, not what I was. What I am is subject to debate to me and others in my life. For me who I am is indisputable.  Like Dick Gregory say's "look in the mirror it's you, hold up a picture of your parents- it's them".  I realize that I have a responsibility to myself and my family to love and learn who I am and not just what I am.  Who I am is a continuous journey for me, in which I will never be able to define until I die. But what I am, is subjective to whom is observing and paying any amount attention to what I am doing.  I am no longer subjecting my life to other's opinions, which are absolutely subjective to point of view of themselves- that being the one consistency I have observed.

This year, I am going to at least enjoy myself, despite the fact I need to find a job, I'm broke, virtually homeless, divorced, away from my family (for the umpteenth time) and have no idea what the hell to do. I can't make up anymore excuses to keep selling myself short.  I am at the end of my bullshit. I am doing more than I planned, my dreams are different story, I have 1 down and 2 more to go.  I got something to be happy about on my birthday.  Me.